How do you feel about begging as a way of persuading someone to act in a certain way?
Does your answer depend on the situation?
- Some beg instinctively, generally out of desperation.
- Others weigh their options before they strategically choose to beg.
- Many beg after assessing a person or group’s inclination to respond favorably.
Overall, which conditions make begging a worthwhile communication tool? Given the chance to observe some pitiful pleading, I had the answer.
The Most Pitiful Plea
At family gatherings, we sometimes watch home videos. Thanks to my husband, who loves to record meaningful moments, we have many wonderful memories on film. During our most recent viewing, one of the segments captured our son’s walk to school on his first day of kindergarten.
Our daughter, a few months from turning two, joined us. Yes, she could have walked, but I erred on the side of caution and buckled her in the least confining stroller we had. All was fine until we approached the gate to exit our neighborhood. She wanted to travel on her own two feet!
Despite her pleas of “Mommy!” in the most pitiful voice, I did not engage with her. Decades later, seeing my precious child in distress, my heart broke. I wanted to travel back in time, release her, and take her into my arms. How could I have been so stone-cold toward my darling daughter in distress!
Within moments, the video revealed the answer. She was a perfectly content passenger. Aha! I suddenly remembered the drill.
Experience had taught us that if she protested a stroller ride, the best reaction was to remain passive. Almost immediately, her surroundings would distract her, and calm would ensue.
To Beg
The incident highlighted two main factors that determine the efficacy of pleading:
#1 – The beggar’s deep conviction
Our little girl was momentarily unhappy, not in any physical or emotional distress. Also, despite her outcry, she liked her stroller. Subconsciously, she probably anticipated a pleasant ride.
#2 – The recipient’s genuine concern
Granted, I wanted her to enjoy the occasion yet knew her mood would shift more quickly if I didn’t cajole her.
A third condition also influences the efficacy of begging:
#3 – The recipient’s motivation to end it
If my priority had been to halt the crying instantaneously, I would have removed her from her stroller. Pretty soon, though, she would have struggled to keep up and begged to be held. Giving in also would have set the stage for mightier outcries and greater frustration in the future.
Of course, to fulfill a vital and immediate need, begging can be essential: “Please, help me!”
Not to Beg
Even when their pleas are not real emergencies, beggars often create urgency and remain persistent. Some show up in person. Others bombard their targets with relentless calls, emails, direct messages—you name it! Such behavior can cause resentment and outright anger, particularly when the give-and-take is imbalanced.
A self-centered focus—I need you to do this for me—sets the stage for desperate behaviors like pushiness. Appreciation for one’s potential benefactors—I want you to benefit from this—fosters mutual respect.
Thoughts or questions? Please contact Sallie Boyles, owner of Write Lady Inc., to exchange ideas about effective communications and gain from professional writing and editing services. Receive monthly tips and insights by subscribing at https://WriteLady.com.
