Have you ever believed someone had a sincere interest in you but later realized that your importance was either feigned, limited, or conditional?
How did the person eventually tell you where you really stood?
Consider the following examples—based on true accounts—to see if they strike a chord with you.
Abruptly Abandoned
A few weeks after she adopts her dog Tag, Paula secures her dream job. The only downside is the need for a dog sitter during her business trips. Although Tag is in great hands and happy when staying with either Paula’s sister or her good friend, they have busy lives.
When scheduling conflicts arise, Paula boards Tag in a five-star facility. For reasons likely related to his prior life, Tag does not do well in such environments. He stays anxious and barely eats. Genuinely concerned for Tag, the owner of the place advises Paula to hire a reliable dog sitter to care for him at home.
Unfortunately, the recommendations she receives from the kennel and various friends are booked solid.
During Tag’s veterinary appointment, she tells Dr. Grant about her predicament. Paula has always appreciated his advice, and she nearly hugs him when he says, “Don’t worry. I have the ideal person to look after Tag when you’re away.”
Escorting her to the front desk, Dr. Grant is in midsentence, asking the receptionist to find the contact information for the individual he has in mind, when he is distracted by a man and a woman in the waiting area with their two dogs. Paula recognizes them. They aren’t personal acquaintances, but she, like everyone else in town, knows them as people of influence.
As if he has sprouted wings, Dr. Grant abandons the mission and all but flies across the clinic to greet the power couple.
Momentarily stunned, Paula suddenly catches on. She turns to the receptionist and says, “Dr. Grant’s wife is running for mayor, isn’t she.”
Turned Invisible
Good pals since pledging the same fraternity in college, Matt, a software engineer, and Dave, a financial advisor, work in the same city only a block from one another. About once a week, the two meet in the middle for lunch at a restaurant they both like.
When he is in town, another fraternity brother, Spencer, a freelance commercial photographer, joins them. They all get along. For whatever reason, though, Matt has always felt that Dave shows some deference toward Spencer.
Lately, Dave has noticed that Matt rarely looks his way when the three of them are together, yet they’re all contributing equally to the conversation. At first, Matt wonders if he’s imagining things, but Dave’s behavior has become too obvious to brush it off.
He plans to ask Matt what’s going on at their next lunch without Spencer, but Dave supplies the answer soon after they sit down.
“Between you and me,” Dave says, “when we were in college, Spencer let it slip that he was set to inherit millions from his grandfather. He hasn’t said anything since the old man passed away in January, but I’ve been trying to think of how I could offer my financial services to him without sounding opportunistic. Do you have any ideas?”
Blind Copied
After a few months of reporting to Melissa, Derek is wondering why Sam had been so miserable in that position. While training Derek before he transferred to another department, Sam hadn’t said much—only that Melissa had a “unique” management style.
Was it the responsibility?
Derek loves the work. Melissa assigns complex projects and gives Derek full rein. In contrast to his prior job, which gave him far less autonomy, Derek enjoys taking ownership. Moreover, Melissa encourages his ideas and praises his ability to execute them.
Also, when she emails updates about Derek’s projects to leadership, she always blind copies him. Likewise, each time the executives praise the department’s achievements, she shares their positive feedback with him.
Without question, Melissa keeps Derek in the know, but what does the executive team know about him? As it turns out, his name never comes up in any of the correspondence.
Just Remembered
Jill and Anne have been active members of the same community organization for 20 years. While not close friends, they’ve shared a pleasant history. With Anne serving multiple terms as president and Jill happily doing committee work, they have gotten along well.
Typically, they’ll see one other monthly, more often before the annual gala. However, for six months, Jill has been slowly recovering from serious car-accident injuries. Regaining her mobility, not event planning, is her priority.
Throughout her rehabilitation, Jill has received well wishes from numerous members. Many—not only her closest friends—visited her in the hospital and later at home. Several have brought meals for Jill and her family.
Although the organization sent a gorgeous floral arrangement early on, the first time she hears from Anne directly is five months and three weeks after the incident via an email. Her purpose is to ask if Jill would like to resume volunteering. It seems that her name came up in conversation right after Anne had been thinking of calling all the new members to discuss their talents and interests. It then occurred to Anne that Jill would be the ideal person to reach out to them.
As Anne puts it, “You have a special knack for connecting with people, Jill, and don’t you think this task would give you a renewed sense of purpose? Besides, I could really use your help.”
Everything Is Relative
A person can be highly skilled in making someone else feel as though no other human being is more important. Everything, however, is relative. Wise individuals don’t let their emotions cloud their objectivity when interpreting how much others value them.
When people say all the right things to them, they listen carefully, read body language, and observe actions over time. Therefore, a deep desire to be prioritized doesn’t prevent them from discerning what they can reasonably expect from certain relationships.
Being cautious in those ways isn’t being cynical—just practical.
Sallie W. Boyles, a.k.a. Write Lady
Thoughts or questions? Please contact Sallie Boyles, owner of Write Lady Inc., to exchange ideas about effective communications and gain from professional writing and editing services. Receive monthly tips and insights by subscribing at https://WriteLady.com.
