“It broke!” proclaim countless children every single day.
Translation: “This thing broke all by itself. I had nothing to do with it.”
When one of his two sons would go to him with a broken object, my father-in-law, commenting as much to himself as to the little culprit, had an impish way of repeating the telling statement—with an emphasis on it. (Typically, my husband admits, he was the wrecking ball in the family!)
“It broke,” their father would remark with a smile.
Besides maintaining a good-natured attitude, how would my father-in-law handle such matters? I offer a true story to illustrate the wisdom in his approach followed by what he did.
Who Broke the Sofa
When a certain clergyman paid a condolence call to a relative of mine, he went out of his way to be kind. He didn’t have to go to her home. The widow lived 30 minutes away by car, and colleagues of his had already dropped by. Nevertheless, his genuine admiration for her compelled him to make the trip, even though the drive alone would consume an hour of his day.
Although he had good intentions, the fellow’s childish response to an awkward situation left an unfavorable impression on the mourners.
As the story goes, the clergyman arrived to find several people gathered in the living room, where he was invited to take a seat. He was a large man, so no one imagined he’d park his bulky body on a delicate antique sofa. However, after eyeing the piece of furniture with suspicion, indicating he’d maneuver to a sturdier chair nearby, the man plopped down. The impact sent a shockwave from his spot on the far right to the opposite end.
We all heard the crack. There was no mistaking the sound, which was akin to an axe splitting wood.
Instead of jumping up immediately and, as one would expect, expressing how sorry he was, prompting the widow to say, “It was our fault for not offering you a chair that wasn’t so old and rickety,” the clergyman was silent. What’s more, he remained seated.
The rest of us were left to pretend nothing had happened. Talk about a proverbial elephant in the room!
Over the next hour, which seemed an eternity, I remember staring in disbelief while shouting in my head, “Get up before the whole thing collapses!”
With every heavy breath he took, the old wood creaked, and a fracture in the front leg beneath him expanded. Miraculously, the support did not buckle under pressure. Neither did the clergyman.
Despite his profession, he was a human being—just like the rest of us—and too embarrassed to address the issue like a grownup with integrity. Yes, we understood and forgave his silence, but by pretending nothing was amiss, not even acknowledging the fact that it broke, he lost credibility and respect.
Remembering the incident, I now wonder if the clergyman had been admonished as a child and made to feel guilty each time it broke. Such responses to children’s misjudgments are common, but are they wise? Do they build confidence to take responsibility for mistakes and withstand ridicule and embarrassment with grace?
Who knows?
My Father-in-Law’s Lesson
We all know that kids will be kids. My father-in-law had that attitude. Also, with skillful hands and a mind for problem solving, he would calmly assess the damage and determine the best way to repair it, if possible. My husband, who had the same mindset with our kids, is grateful for having such a father—one who welded the frame of his minibike after it broke several times, untangled yards of fine nylon line from his fishing pole, disassembled his toilet to retrieve a plastic cup that wouldn’t flush, and so on.
Seeing the way some items—not all—could be fixed, though not necessarily restored to new, and helping with the repair, the boys acquired critical-thinking skills and practical knowledge of how to avoid and rectify problems. Above all, they learned to be accountable for their actions.
Children learn by example, so here’s to all the fathers and father figures who, through their words and actions, hold themselves accountable when they break it.
Sallie W. Boyles, a.k.a. Write Lady
Thoughts or questions? Please contact Sallie Boyles, owner of Write Lady Inc., to exchange ideas about effective communications and gain from professional writing and editing services. Receive monthly tips and insights by subscribing at https://WriteLady.com.