When have you wondered, Is that really you?
For whatever reason, you must have sensed something about the persona that didn’t match the individual you have always known—or thought you knew!
With that in mind, I share a little story of when I failed to recognize my own mother. Were my reasons legitimate? You’ll see!
Mommy’s Dress
When I was three years old, my mother spent two weeks caring for one of her sisters in New Jersey who was recovering from surgery. Back in South Carolina with my dad, two “big” sisters, and grandmother, I was in great hands but surely missed my mother. Something odd, however, happened when she returned home.
As if it were yesterday, I clearly remember being in my parents’ bedroom as my mother unpacked her belongings and chatted with my sisters and me. Admiring her new hairstyle and rainbow-patterned dress, I thought she looked so glamourous. Moreover, my mother, happy and grateful to be back with her family, surprised us with some gifts. Her overall demeanor reminded me of a fairy godmother in my storybook, and I half-expected her to pull out a magic wand from her suitcase and say, “Your wish is my command!”
Now, the mommy I knew was loving and attentive, but she was by no means indulgent. In fact, her doting demeanor and unfamiliar appearance had me wondering, Is she really my mommy?
Taking it all in, I commented on what I knew for sure. “My mommy has a dress like that,” I said. Everyone got quiet. Up to that point, I had been copying my four-year-old sister in addressing her as “Mommy,” so no one had picked up on my uncertainty.
Stunned that I had remembered her dress but not her, my mother exclaimed, “I am your mommy!” As she hugged me and uttered reassurances, my confusion evaporated, and I accepted her as the real deal.
Gut Feelings vs. Getting Facts
Unlike my mother, who never forgot the heartbreak of her little girl’s knowing a dress better than the mommy wearing it, I continue to look back on that memory with amusement. In some ways, I haven’t changed. To this day, I have ten questions for every answer and take few things at face value. That said, while my three-year-old judgement was off, I would tell my younger self, “Good job! Trust your gut until it proves you’re wrong.”
Granted, at such a young age, I had no idea how to conduct a subtle investigation. Therefore, just being myself, I couldn’t hide what was swirling around in my mind: Is the nice lady wearing my mommy’s dress here to take her place?
Interestingly, I wasn’t scared. Maybe my gut told me not to worry. Thank goodness for that! Imagine the drama if I’d started crying and accusing my mother of being an imposter!
Honestly, I sometimes struggle not jump to conclusions or react emotionally when people I deem relevant to my life exhibit marked changes that impact how I see them. However, as my instincts nag me to interrogate and possibly challenge them, I strive to listen, observe, and ask matter-of-fact questions.
Ultimately, whether I’m pleased and agree with their situation or not, I can’t control anyone other than myself. As my mother would say, “It’s not how they act, but how you react.”
Finally, when considering if a person’s transformation is fleeting or lasting, I can’t predict the future but don’t need to. Time will always tell.
Sallie W. Boyles, a.k.a. Write Lady
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